It’s just a word, right? but yet it brings on so many complex emotions. Some people base their entire life around this word and it’s meaning. Girls grow up dreaming about falling in love, getting married, having children and spending the rest of their lives together till death do us part, right? Or do they dream about the build up? A wedding? A dress? A ring? Ownership of someone? Big house? Someone to take care of them? I’ve seen a lot of woman who hint at marriage and proposals in their relationships and then rush to plan.. plan.. plan this perfect life without even thinking about what their partners want.
I hear so very often after that dream wedding that just took place that people feel trapped in their marriage. or, that their significant other has changed and that they’re so unhappy. If I had a dollar for every married person who said “OMG, Don’t get married! Stay single”. I’ve always wondered why do these people feel that way? It makes me sad for them. When I get together with married friends and all they do is talk about how lazy their husbands are, how under appreciated they feel and how the love and passion has totally left the relationship. They almost sound like a switch was turned off the moment they said I Do and everything they loved about each other and all the respect went POOF!
I on the other hand have never been married. nor have I ever been close to getting married. Sometimes I feel sad about it because of course it makes you feel like hmm am I not marriage material? Does the person I’m with not value me enough? Maybe they can’t see themselves spending the rest of their lives with someone like me? Whats wrong with me? But than I have to stop myself and say, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? What is the freaking rush? Why is it that once we get into a relationship we start the timer on everything and literally count down and check off all the things that we think are supposed to be happening in chronological order thinking if we don’t get to these “milestones” we are expected to get to in time there must be something wrong with you or the relationship!
I’m starting to realize that this is the problem with society. So many people base their relationships on others opinions and even compare themselves to other relationships they see “Highlights” of. When you begin to do that you are not really being present in your own unique relationship. You are in a race.. a competition really to see who can look the happiest. Pressure from Family, Friends and Social Media and even your own partners can put such a strain on it.
I feel like strong foundations in relationships aren’t thought of anymore. Everything seems to be so easily pushed to the side even people seem to be replaceable now. Sex, dating and hook ups are so easy now. One search and 100 apps for finding someone’s attention is one download away. You actually start to think what man would want to even be bothered with a relationship when sexting with a complete stranger is so accessible. Any kind of fantasy is one swipe to the right or left not sure what way it is, lol. There is so much distraction for both sexes and that is why the foundation in a relationship needs to be strong. Respect, Trust, Honesty and Love are so important for a happy and healthy relationship. Once you have those you will have to work at keeping those intact. And with everyday insecurities it is an everyday project to make your significant others feel Loved and Respected and to be Honest with them when you are not feeling quite yourselves. Communication is key! Withholding how you feel is the poison in any relationship. Festering feelings will kill your soul. Get it out and talk.
So for me when it all comes down to it, Marriage for me is grow together not apart, work together and not against each other, appreciate the little things and really get to know each other. Figure out whether you want to wake up to them everyday and want to get up and make them coffee just the way they like it. To want to please your significant other in all ways possible. To cherish the quite times and the loud times. To enjoy those simple moments when you guys are just eating ice cream in bed or laughing together or just having a drink with just the two of you and talking about whatever comes to mind. Just remember to take them for who they’re and to not want to change them. Laugh constantly and try not to take everything so seriously. Always make time for each other even when you have children and stop trying to force everything. When its meant to be it will be. Be happy in your moment. Time is non-refundable. Love deeply, don’t be scared to feel vulnerable and also what someone special once told me have faith ❤